Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
