I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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