guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
