I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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