singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
