Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
