...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
