remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
