Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sober January is a disaster.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
