yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
