Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So much rum. So many feels.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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