Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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