I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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