a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
