she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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