This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
