"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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