I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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