Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
