He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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