and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
