I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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