My first STD was from a foam party
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Welp...herpes.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
