Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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