I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am available for nakedness
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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