I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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