I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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