Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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