some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I FOUND THE LEGS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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