He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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