Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
