I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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