At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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