Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
