Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
