Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
