Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
