At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
