i may or may not be watching the land before time
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
