woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I love you. Go after that dick
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
