Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
