What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
