Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
