It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
