Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
