my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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