so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
