My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
