i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
