She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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