he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
