I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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