I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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