i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
