ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
